The older I get… the more I seem to want to go back to my childhood 🙂

It just seems to me, that the more complex, the world around me gets, I start to value the simplicity that life was. Thoughts and memories drift in and out of my mind and the line between them just blurs out.

Have you ever felt an ache when you are in the middle of  a reverie about some thing long back, and you are so deeply engrossed, that you are practically living the moment again… and then at one, you “come back” into the present, into “Now” and have this dull sad feeling that, those moments are just gone forever? That you have grown up, grown out, grown apart, that situations have changed, and all that you are left with is such a feeling of loss… of not being able to have held those moments close to you for longer…

…the irony is that while you were living those times, you really had no idea of how precious those passing minutes were…

…any ways, so like I said, I am drifting around nowadays, between, the past, the present and the future. I have a lot of time on my hands and no distractions… and so cute, sweet memories creep in, and I am often amazed that its not the “big bang” events that I remember, but the seemingless, routine ones…

… like for example, I am aching to go back and celebrate the diwali of my childhood. I grew up in Delhi, and so we’d have the Autumn holidays around October. Exams just over, and the climate just perfect, I remember spending whole days loitering about the colony parks with my band of merry men 🙂

The place where we lived was surrounded by parks..and it was in one of these parks that we’d have the Dusshehra celebrations. There was a group of people who would create the Dusshehra effigies of Ravana, Kumbhkaran and Meghnath from scratch and we’d spent delightful days just tracking the development. We’d spent entire days in the park, interacting with this group, inspecting the hands, legs, the face of the effigies, tracking how many crackers were placed in them…. I can’t imagine a more carefree time. Our mom’s would actually pack us tiffins for lunch and bring them to the park, cause we’d just refuse to budge!

I remember, making lists for Diwali, of crackers, and diyas, and the Diwali cleaning, and then the D day itself. And more than any crackers or friends, I remember the simple pooja at home. Such peace, such contentment. The house set aglow with diya’s and candles, guests, sweets, and a lovely pooja which has stories within stories, and in papa’s voice. <sigh>

I really do want to go back home for Diwali this year… back to Delhi… back to the sudden nip in the air, and the bhutta, and the Diwali lights and sales. No matter how old I get, I feel like the time spent with my folks is the best time ever.

… I wish somethings never changed! that I was a kid, in the same place, similarly carefree and at peace, with lesser cares and more smiles…

 

<Sigh> <sigh> <sigh>

(Not the typical come back post you were expecting, right?, There is more to come!)

Every body I meet, progressively tells me that my “glow”… i.e. the glow on my face has reduced..

I was told this in Delhi 1 month back by some crazy idiot of a guy… who thot he could say it and get away with it… ( he did! I was too shocked to respond)

And I was told this 5 min back by “the Venkat”… the guy who adds a “the” before every word.. in a sentence… who in his supreme wiseness has advised me to drink lots of water and has spent the last 10 min boasting about his 50 inch lcd tv, his freezer and washing machine and his big bed (!!!)

( Like a traditional bharatiya naari and all that… I have at this point… slipped a reference to “the poor husband” back in India)

 I can’t believe the jokers I work with!

But going back to the glowing facts…. at the rate my glow is going away …and by virtue of the fact that I still feel that I’m somwhat “Glowy”… I’m feeling very “Halogen lamp”ish… I must have been really bright at some time…. but my glow is reducing..

((Sighs loudly))

What is with the world?!?!?

So.. the entire first month of 2011 has just gone by without a post. Not such a great start to the year in terms of blogging but well, here I am, back again 🙂

I’m currently travelling and away from home and so have so much more time on my hands! I wonder what I do with all this time when I’m home….  like I was thinking… now, as of this moment, I’m not worried if H is messing up the house… if he has picked up the newspapers strewn around… if the maid is coming … if there are veggies in the fridge! All I know is that its me, in my nice and cozy hotel room… with a great internet connection and a  lot of thoughts that are potential blog posts …

… and to start off… how about this…

We girls tend to start taking ourselves too seriously with each passing milestone in our lives… and if we were to remove ourselves from the situation… we realise that hey… its probably social conditioning!

Like me now, in this far off land… feel and behave and spend my time just that same way as I used too… when I was not married. I am not feeling very “married” right now…. I’m away from all things marriage 😀 starting with the lovely H :p and then the house, and the family and the expectations and etc etc.

But when I’m back… it will be back to being responsible for everything!

I think travelling is letting me preserve my individuality… my space. Its powerful in that with one flight…. I cross a mental age of around 5-6 years and find myself feeling much younger, much lighter.

If it is so easy to leave these responsibilities that come attached with the milestones in our life… I wander why we can’t seem to shake them off when we are “in” the situation?

I wonder..

In keeping with the positivity that is spilling over from my last post… just feel like adding some lessons learnt and stuff that I would do differently.

(On a side note…. I hope some of you guys still come to visit my blog…. I know I went into hibernation… and obviously you guys don’t have all the time for me to spring back 🙂 but still keeping the fingers crossed! )

So hum kahaan the? Hum yahaan the…the things I would change

1. Okay I have discovered, through the keen observations of the lovely H ( who says guys can’t be addressed as lovely! :D) , and futile negations on my part… that I have a tendency to stretch the truth….a teeny weeny bit… And to adjust the truth… a teeny weeny bit too. Like once, we were to receive H’s mom at the airport and we were running …errr.. late…. and while we were still on our way, her flight landed, she came out of the terminal, and realised that there was no one to receive her… and she started calling.  We were still a good 30 mins away and here  I was reassuring her that we would be there in 15 mins! And while H is looking at me quizzically ( he has given me the estimate for 30 min.. just a min back) .. not to add, he is the one driving… 🙂 I continue to coolly reassure her… and then hang up.  I stretch the truth without even realising it at times… .and it is mostly to get out of a sticky situation / not offend anyone… the works. So, that has to stop in 2011. The mantra is … say it as it is…. And I’ve realised that is saves you from a lot of useless lies and explanations later, which further complicate things.

2. I’m going to stop being nice to people who don’t deserve niceness. Now, to start of with, I’m supposed to be one of those star signs that are the frank ” I don’t care if it hurts you, I’m being honest” types. But somewhere during my years of existence… I have picked up the fine art of trying not to hurt people. So I go out of my way to please people I don’t like, because I don’t want to hurt them. And it wearies me, and weighs my soul down. I would be happier exercising my option of associating with people I like.

3. At the same time, I have to learn to distinguish between random cribbing, and deep dislike. I need to become more tolerant of people…. less judgemental…. its a free world. We all have our eccentrities… but that doesn’t take away from the innate value we have as the people we are. And I have to understand and appreciate that more in the coming year. “Investing in people”

4. I have leave my chalta hai waala attitude at work. I have to be aware, alert, finish up stuff. Success and other things aside… I have realised that pending work again wears me down. I come to a point where I am not doing it.. but can’t stop thinking about it… and its a negative place to be in. It just eats up time and has no constructive outcomes. So its going to be all about “Do it now” for 2011

5. And one last thing… and this is the most difficult to achieve…. is to stop creating negativity. When we had moved to B’lore, I had promised myself that our house would be a positive and happy place. It is for most of the times but I do have a tendency to crib and sulk. This coming year… I will led go of this….  I will accept that certain things are ABCs( Areas Beyond Control) and not crib about them. I need to think in terms of solutions, rather than problems. So that is the last one on the list…. “Stop creating negativity”

Among these things.. the others are:

1. Eat out less often

2. Exercise more

3. Quality time with H

4. More books, more trips, more friends

What are yours? Started thinking of them yet?

The last few days of the year have a way of stirring up all sorts of philosophical questions that beg to be answered. And in keeping with the theme of things, I find myself getting introspective, philosophical… and perpetually in flashback mode

This has really not been a great year for me. Things started on a hopeful note with Jan. With lists, with to – dos… with plans… but somehow, the year hasn’t panned out like I thought.  In a way I am relieved that this year is almost over… I might just be speaking too soon …

I’ve had to deal with a lady boss. I person I have no respect for. And a person I’d be extremely cool to, if I might her outside office.  She pretty much made my 8 hours of work feel really really long… took away all my enthusiasm about my office being a great, fun place and gave me unnecessary work to complete her own KPIs. Not to mention other stuff that I’ve ranted about enough.

Things at the personal front haven’t really worked either, with mom and MIL both going for surgeries… with my own problems with the baby planning and all.

I have also felt at some level exasperated with all the work outside of office that I have had to handle. The home, the maids, the errands…

And then I have been frequently sick and blah and blah and blah

Almost feels like kisi ki nazar lag gayi thi. I feel bruised somehow. But I’m nursing myself back to health!

To be fair… its not all been gloomy either…. we have still had our share of fun, thanks to our awesome friends. I know that very few of them read this blog and don’t even know that I am talking about them… but thank you guys… all of you, for taking our minds off all the nonsense that has been going around us… for being sounding boards.. .and party freaks… and funny … and silly… for bringing sunshine into our hearts and home. Everyone had troubles…but we handheld each other through them…we love you. 🙂

And I think I have derived the maximum support from my parents. To lighten up heavy moments, to bring a sense of perspective when it went missing, for cheering me up, for listening to my cribbing, for sending us things all the way from Delhi, and for prayers and blessing

Okay, now I’m feeling a leeetle cheered up… there are some good things that happened too!

1. I lost weight 🙂

2. We went on trips – Assam, Pune, South of India

3. More of our friends moved to B’lore

4. We bought some material goods

5. I learnt how to drive

6. And despite all the bloddy obstacles, I have completed my KRAs and KPIs. 

Hope that 2011 may be a beautiful, happy, sunshiny, sparkly year for all of us 🙂

Hi everyone!

Just popping on the blog to say that I know it has been a long time 🙂 Just been crazy busy with all the millions of KRAs and KPIs and all that…

Gimme some time… promise to be back with a nice long post about this and that and what not 🙂

Love!

SS

You know its just so difficult not to take interview results personally!

Yes…. SS had an interview today…. and no… it didn’t work out…

….and that’s fine ( or so I think!)

But its really strange how my mind worked. I reached the office, I got into this smallish building… got into the lift… and I went “No way am I going to work here”…

…I got past the ‘not so impressive’ receptionist… you know… non stylised English types 😀  ( I’m being honest!… don’t judge me!!) and compared it with where I work… the “No” in the “No way” came out stronger

I waited in the waiting area for about 40 min past the scheduled time… and got more dismissive

Got into the interview with these two guys… who just showered questions on questions about some casestudy… the methodology of which is obviously not my area. I knew that I am not the perfect match for this kinda job… and I knew that I wasn’t faring particularly well…

And I kinda knew that it wouldn’t work out… and I wasn’t too enthu to start off with…

…But now, I can’t stop feeling like a fool… imagining myself fielding the questions I was fielding! And a little bruised…

😀

So Like I said… taking something personally which I knew in my heart of hearts wasn’t meant to be! I wasn’t a right match… and I wasn’t to keen either… so Why Am I bothered about it!?!?

But… honestly… I am! 😀 I think its my wee l’il ego that is the culprit.

Note to SS: Remember to stop taking herself so seriously! And the Job interview so lightly!

That’s my gyan for now… till the next one comes along!