March 2010


Remember I told you guys that my best friend N is going away from India for like a 1.5 – 2 years?

Am sooooooper excited because I am using up the April 2- Good Friday long weekend and going to meet her! And I know it will be fun!

You know, as much as one feels happy about being married and living the good life with H, I still have these “longings” for things as they were pre-marriage ( Don’t ask me why… I’m crazy!) And as I have observed, these revolve around two things…..

1. Lack of male attention ( SS looks left – right furtively, to make sure no one looking at her sheepish expression waala face)

2. “Being my own person” – another theme I totally dig!

Ok, by my own submission, I have been the grateful (and haughty on most days!) receiver of a lot of attention of the male kind. I know am not being humble… trust me, am trying to!! Obviously post marriage, that “attention” has diminished. I really don’t know how guys make these things out? Its a part of their highly sophisticated female tracking system, methinks…. Face scan… retina scan… clothes scan… and kaboom!!!….Branded “Married”.

 How???

Obviously I am feeling pretty “ghar ka murgi” types right now.. or maybe I would’nt have written this post ..or if nothing else works we can always blame in on the hormones…I could really use an ego boost about my desirability! So any attention coming, from some intense sounding, filmy, Dark Handsome guy…. totally welcome! 😀

Ofcourse … I might add… all of the attentions will be ignored… me being happily married to H and all that. So ofcourse there is no incentive for any one who wishes to bestow their attentive gaze.. except for the nirmal aanand of the act of bestowing that gaze….”The journey is the reward”

Sigh!

But I digress….

Now to the main topic…..

The next lovely pleasant little thought that plays hide and seek with my mind is … “Being my own person”

You know… when one starts out in relationship, one is dying to be owned 🙂 Girl Friends go gaga over “possessive” boyfriends. Ofcourse.. that  passes… and suddenly you are back to craving your independance. Now the people who read my blog .. know that I happen to be a pretty sincere wife.  No seriously… I am! (ok… go ask H! :-/ )

In fact, I really wish at times that I was more selfish…. am not.  I get hassled with us having a lovely place to stay… about being relatively sociable.. about what we eat and our plans… and crazy as it sounds… sometimes I remember those times when I just thought of me myself alone.  There are soooo many things to balance now! The family, with festivals.. with relatives and friends and us.   Those were hassle free days… coz obviously I was caring for one person only…

…”Me”

😀

And so… I am going on a Girl’s Only holiday.  I am really really looking forward to it. I love Pune! loooooovvvee it! Ohhh the vada pavs, the misal pavs, the dabeli…. Marzorin….MG Road, JM Road, FC road.  The plan comprises “Eating” and “Shopping”  and random walks down memory lane 🙂

It will be back to “Being my own person” atleast for weekend!  Sometimes you can have the best of both worlds

..that being married to H…

..and being in Pune…. and rocking it.. with my best friend!

((happy smiles.. and Ms India type hand waving to the general audience)

😀 😀 😀

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Thanks a lot for all your inputs guys.  Everything made a lot of sense… we guys (the H and I) did sit down and talk about things 🙂 Our expectations, wishes and aspirations, and it did help sort out matters.

I have asked to be staffed on the assignment post our vacation ( did I tell you guys… we are going on a vacation in April! North East of India 🙂 ) . So I wait to see if the other concerned people are okay with this… coz they would’ve liked me to have taken this up March end.  So lets see how that goes. Needless to add… you guys will know! 🙂

On a different note..It looks like its Travel Time in the Sunshine Home ( loved calling it that 🙂 ) H has been asked to travel too! To Europe.  I am gung ho about it… but of course it is his decision to make. 

And on another totally different note ( I’m short of ideas!) I had a totally totally boring weekend!  Ever felt so bored that you’re head ached? Happened to me.  Despite everything I tried! 

I tried…

1. Two new recipes : Granola Bars and Five Minute microwave cake.  Both successes if I may add  (ahem!)

2. I set every thing worthy of being set in order… in order

3. We went out for dinner

4. I watched 4 movies on TV

5.. and I slept….

6. .. and read … ” My name is Rajnikanat”.. about who else… Rajni saar himself :p

and yet I was bored. B-O-R-E-D!

Its so strange with human nature. We continuously want a change in pace. I normally love my “Me” time. I love watching old Hindi movies, love trying out new dishes, love reading, love cleaning up the house! ( am I sounding too domesticated??) and yet.. this weekend.. all that time was just too much! Infact, I think I like weekdays better than weekends 😀

Again… another strange thing with me is… that I normally love phonecalls… but then there are days… that I can’t stand the phone ringing!

And then there are days I love chatting on messaging clients… and then there are days… that I grudge every single person who pings me.

And then there are days I love travel.. and days I hate it.

Am sure everybody has these phases 🙂 Or maybe am special :p Do you guys have any such phases…? Care to share?

Sorry guys… took sometime before this post…I’ve been having thoughts and thoughts about “somethings” and though I really wanted to keep this off my blog, I am finally left with no option but to thrash it out.  I am hoping that with writing them down, I will be able to think clearly… coz right now I feel totally muddled!

Ok… so the deal is, that H and me have been discussing starting a family now. We figured that it was the right time…. after a long while H wasn’t stressed about work. After a long while I have settled down in a place 😀 and the home is more or less settled.  H wanted us to start planning 6 months into the marriage (the guy knows nothing about romance I’m telling you!), but then I wasn’t ready and there was so much happening around me already that we decided to wait. And now, when we are both in agreement, H wants us to really take this really seriously…. And on the other hand, I am mentally prepared that it might take a while.  And I just want to … let’s say… take things as they come, without too much planning or without unduely stressing on this particular aspect. Light and easy!

What has happened in the past few days is that I have got some great offers of assignments! Lovely onsite assignments…. New Zealand… Germany… the US…  and I honestly am keen on going. But now with the baby planning thing in my mind… I really don’t know whether I should take these up or no.  I never expected stop doing things that are a part of my job just because we were to start thinking of a family… I meant it to happen… not with a deadline in mind. H on the other hand, differs.  He is fine with short term assignments, but anything over a month and we have different opinions.

To add to that I have to deal with another set of thoughts which are as follows

1. H’s folks are keen on a grandchild, it would make them all really happy… that expectation stresses me out.

2. I don’t want to lose focus of my career. I don’t want to ‘set a tone’ where I am compromising. Would H stop going on client assignments coz we are planning?? Dunno… I have serious doubts.  I don’t want him behaving like an MCP, making a fuss about a couple of months of work.

3. If I don’t travel now… will I get a chance to… with a baby in the picture?

4. My ticking biological clock ( Trust me, I have tried and tried to convince myself that 1 year here or there doesn’t matter…I refuse to get convinced 😦 )

5. There is no surety of how much time it takes to concieve.

6. Uncertainty… what if I say yes to an assignment… that is to start in 20 days… then come to know that I am to have a baby… how will I handle that situation…..?

I would be lying if I didn’t admit that some of this is Gender Equality related. I call it my, “Career woman: I have equal rights” perception. I don’t want to be the girl who is seen as someone who ‘sacrificed’ her career for her family. I’ve worked hard to get to the place I am. I want to continue doing well. I am not able to stomach the fact that being a woman, my career has to take a back seat, or that I have to curb my aspirations to balance other aspects of my life, when the guy just goes about his normal routine and behaves like his work is “really important”… he just “has to” travel to places… just ‘has to’ stay back late and is just ‘too tired’ or ‘too stressed’ for career unrelated things, while I go about making teeny tiny adjustments each day that eat up more and more into my work time.

This loosely is the jumble of thoughts I’m entangled in, right now. Maybe this is the state of confusion life is going to be in for some time…. the typical working woman dilemma :-/

What do you guys say??

Woke up this morning… logged into WordPress and what do we see??? The total no. of visits have gone up to 1021! Yes… that many visits! I wasn’t expecting that too happen till next week… so  YAHOOOOOOOOO!!!

Its an importance milestone on this blog……a 1000+ visits! I’m sitting in my chair.. beaming away, looking a little stupid. I’m smiling so much that if anyone came over right now… I’d look like the picture of a really content employee  (Which I certainly am not… you know right??)

When I started blogging… I wasn’t really sure of how this blog would turn out… would it be interesting, or funny or insightful.  I knew I wanted to write… and I wanted to make friends 🙂 And you know what, I’m beginning to like it here. I feel involved, and I really do understand now what it is to have friends whom you would probably never have seen but feel so much for!

Am sooper excited that some of you come over and read the stuff I’ve been writing 🙂 And hopefully some of you come back too ! 😀 

Thank you all so much for making me feel welcome…. for entertaining comments by me, an arbit stranger as she struggled with her bearings 🙂 Thanks for listening to my rants, and raves, the funnies, and the funniers.  Thanks for being there… and thanks for commenting (it keeps my morale up! because I don’t always trust the numbers … which is an irony cause we are celebrating my 1000 visitors, aren’t we?… 😀 )

How about some Cake to celebrate???  Blackforest? Chocolate Fantasy?? Ok… here goes…

And how about some wine??? 

Cheerios… .teh… Chak de phatte people! Looking forward to the next 9000 visits to the next milestone 🙂 Keep the faith… laugh more, worry less and generally have a blast!

Before anything else… “Happy Holi!”

Hope you guys had a great time and went all out with the colors and the water balloons and the works 🙂

We did do the customary gulal bit, that was as much as there was to it… both of us had office… and so the day passed as normally as any other

On the weekend though, some things happened with some of my friends and their trysts with Luuuurrrve and finding their special someones and some of that happened at our place. And so this is what I offer as my Holi post 😀

So my friend S come over to stay with us. She’s a lively, easy going soul, and chirpy and totally not conscious or concerned about the ways of the world. Naturally, whenever she comes over, we have a blast. It’s like we go back to being unencumbered teenagers, throwing things at each other, singing and talking loudly, having passionate discussions about new ideas that are far out from our own lives. It is refreshing and lots of fun.

H has a friend D. D is genuine, sincere, self conscious. He is very aware of the world… too aware me thinks… and I don’t think he is really comfortable with the fact that “the world is watching”

Now… both D and S are in their individual capacities, looking for love and companionship. And in a case of opposites attract, I have a strong feeling that D likes S…

We love both of them, and are equally protective and concerned about both of these amazing people, but H and me are poles apart in thinking of what needs to be done in the situation. H wants to take every opportunity to throw them together, give them a lot of time “on their own” by suspiciously vanishing from the scene, and generally drops obvious hints. I on the other hand, am treading cautiously. I kinda have an idea of what S wants in a guy.. and I know that D will be heart broken if he pursues this any longer. I also know that D is getting increasingly fond of S. And S, by her own admission too, is not at all interested in anything more than being friends!

So H and I have been discussing and we came to a conclusion that we would hence forth not egg anyone on! But the fact is that we love both of theirs company and so it is awesome when we all meet. Like this weekend…

This weekend again the two were thrown together for some extended time. Lunch and movie and car rides and coffee and dinner and the talking till late in the night. Ofcourse we did not connive to throw them together, and I don’t think any of the three of us ( S, H or me) gave any ‘encouraging’ signs to D. We all were together all the time. But again I saw D getting a little serious. Anytime S would say something about the profiles she has been looking at for marriage, I could see D listening intently. Whenever S said something about guys… D was defending it zealously. In the car, he’d play music to suit her tastes… the entire jing bang you know…

… so… I am worried!  

What do you think I should do?

I have these options

1. Do nothing. I have dropped obvious enough hints and now me interfering any which way will amount to meddling

2. Keep dropping hints to D

3. Not arrange get-togethers for some time involving the both of them.

What do you say? Should I pitch in?