Sorry guys… took sometime before this post…I’ve been having thoughts and thoughts about “somethings” and though I really wanted to keep this off my blog, I am finally left with no option but to thrash it out. I am hoping that with writing them down, I will be able to think clearly… coz right now I feel totally muddled!
Ok… so the deal is, that H and me have been discussing starting a family now. We figured that it was the right time…. after a long while H wasn’t stressed about work. After a long while I have settled down in a place 😀 and the home is more or less settled. H wanted us to start planning 6 months into the marriage (the guy knows nothing about romance I’m telling you!), but then I wasn’t ready and there was so much happening around me already that we decided to wait. And now, when we are both in agreement, H wants us to really take this really seriously…. And on the other hand, I am mentally prepared that it might take a while. And I just want to … let’s say… take things as they come, without too much planning or without unduely stressing on this particular aspect. Light and easy!
What has happened in the past few days is that I have got some great offers of assignments! Lovely onsite assignments…. New Zealand… Germany… the US… and I honestly am keen on going. But now with the baby planning thing in my mind… I really don’t know whether I should take these up or no. I never expected stop doing things that are a part of my job just because we were to start thinking of a family… I meant it to happen… not with a deadline in mind. H on the other hand, differs. He is fine with short term assignments, but anything over a month and we have different opinions.
To add to that I have to deal with another set of thoughts which are as follows
1. H’s folks are keen on a grandchild, it would make them all really happy… that expectation stresses me out.
2. I don’t want to lose focus of my career. I don’t want to ‘set a tone’ where I am compromising. Would H stop going on client assignments coz we are planning?? Dunno… I have serious doubts. I don’t want him behaving like an MCP, making a fuss about a couple of months of work.
3. If I don’t travel now… will I get a chance to… with a baby in the picture?
4. My ticking biological clock ( Trust me, I have tried and tried to convince myself that 1 year here or there doesn’t matter…I refuse to get convinced 😦 )
5. There is no surety of how much time it takes to concieve.
6. Uncertainty… what if I say yes to an assignment… that is to start in 20 days… then come to know that I am to have a baby… how will I handle that situation…..?
I would be lying if I didn’t admit that some of this is Gender Equality related. I call it my, “Career woman: I have equal rights” perception. I don’t want to be the girl who is seen as someone who ‘sacrificed’ her career for her family. I’ve worked hard to get to the place I am. I want to continue doing well. I am not able to stomach the fact that being a woman, my career has to take a back seat, or that I have to curb my aspirations to balance other aspects of my life, when the guy just goes about his normal routine and behaves like his work is “really important”… he just “has to” travel to places… just ‘has to’ stay back late and is just ‘too tired’ or ‘too stressed’ for career unrelated things, while I go about making teeny tiny adjustments each day that eat up more and more into my work time.
This loosely is the jumble of thoughts I’m entangled in, right now. Maybe this is the state of confusion life is going to be in for some time…. the typical working woman dilemma
What do you guys say??
March 11, 2010 at 12:36 am
Well, it is up to each person to decide, very personal decision na….I waited for five years into my marriage before we planned a baby. Do I regret it ? No way…I travelled on international assignments for work and it was just awesome! At any point of time, you have to make major compromises at work once you have a baby, and really one year here and there doesnt matter in the grand scheme of things but once you have a kid, you cant go back, your life is changed forever…Give yourself one year, go travel, take vacations with your hubby and then plan next year…
March 11, 2010 at 11:02 am
Yes… I think about that too… about how life will change forever 🙂
March 11, 2010 at 4:28 am
Career and family are always a difficult balance. And thrown in the mix is the fact that you are getting all these amazing offers at work.
In the end the call has to be what the two of you two make. And the two of us have to be, if not completely happy with it, something that you can stand by no matter what.
I know about the biological clock and the ticking of it. I also know that stressing about making a baby actually causes your body to shut down and refuse to get pregnant.
So don’t think too much about the pressure of making a baby and the expectations attached to it. Relax..over planning will not help..just enjoy your time together and things will happen.
All the best..and hugs..
March 11, 2010 at 10:58 am
Ya… I know… I completely stressed myself out last month. I was reading and reading and reading. I totally understand the relaxing bit.. and will try to do so as much as possible! 🙂
Thanks! Hugs back!
March 11, 2010 at 9:09 pm
I agree with the others here. Listen to your heart and then let the husband know how you feel and get him into your confidence.
And relax. Like CN has said, the body refuses to listen if you stress out. I say this but I stress out myself sometimes and its a hard thing to talk to your body and mind to relax.
March 15, 2010 at 10:48 am
🙂 thanks! But its hard not to plan no?
March 12, 2010 at 1:21 pm
I think if u are convinced about the work assignments – you should explain to H- after all once the baby comes all this kind of travel might (will) come to a standstill for a couple of years at least. You are still in the “planning a baby stage” – H will understand!
Once the baby comes – i hear that mommy instinct is the best thing to go with!!
March 15, 2010 at 10:48 am
🙂 Hmm… H does understand I guess. Maybe I will try harder!
March 15, 2010 at 10:52 am
Hi there!
First time on your blog. Went through those feeling when Hubby and I were planning. I said I want to have a baby but I also want a life of my own. So worked THROUGH the pregnancy like LITERALLY through. and it helped so much in keeping me active. the result now, i just took the 3 months of maternity leave and joined back while kiddo was with MIL.
So if you’re REALLY focused about continuing, you will eventually find a way to balance.
For a while your traveling will be restricted but it all depends on you support system and your and hubby’s decision.
Whatever you do, Don’t stress out and over plan coz it really does effect the baby making!
Hugs!
March 15, 2010 at 11:12 am
Hi! Welcome to the blog. I agree with you when you say that its all about the focus. And honestly… that I what I’ve decided too. I will focus on what I am doing, I won’t needlessly plan too much coz it doesn’t help. Will just try and make the best out of all situations that life throws at us
Hugs back!
March 18, 2010 at 8:38 pm
I don’t have anything wise to add ..just wanted to say …follow your heart…