October 2010


You know its just so difficult not to take interview results personally!

Yes…. SS had an interview today…. and no… it didn’t work out…

….and that’s fine ( or so I think!)

But its really strange how my mind worked. I reached the office, I got into this smallish building… got into the lift… and I went “No way am I going to work here”…

…I got past the ‘not so impressive’ receptionist… you know… non stylised English types 😀  ( I’m being honest!… don’t judge me!!) and compared it with where I work… the “No” in the “No way” came out stronger

I waited in the waiting area for about 40 min past the scheduled time… and got more dismissive

Got into the interview with these two guys… who just showered questions on questions about some casestudy… the methodology of which is obviously not my area. I knew that I am not the perfect match for this kinda job… and I knew that I wasn’t faring particularly well…

And I kinda knew that it wouldn’t work out… and I wasn’t too enthu to start off with…

…But now, I can’t stop feeling like a fool… imagining myself fielding the questions I was fielding! And a little bruised…

😀

So Like I said… taking something personally which I knew in my heart of hearts wasn’t meant to be! I wasn’t a right match… and I wasn’t to keen either… so Why Am I bothered about it!?!?

But… honestly… I am! 😀 I think its my wee l’il ego that is the culprit.

Note to SS: Remember to stop taking herself so seriously! And the Job interview so lightly!

That’s my gyan for now… till the next one comes along!

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You know…. am not the type of person who really makes friends virtually… but I am really feeling the love! 🙂

Thanks you guys! It feels amazing when you rant away and get hugged and be told that things will be okay… ofcourse they will be! And while they are still not so good… I know I have you guys to count on… for bringing sunshine

<< Hugs back>>  ( from a soooooper emo SS)

I sometimes exasperate myself with my own reactions to things…. I have these moments of glory.. where I introspect… and I realise that I really am not so sure on my own motivations for doing/not doing things.

Like for example… I marvel the people who are able to give their all to their careers. I’m jealous of their high profile lives, of their Blackberry phones and the extent of their responsibilities and the importance of the work they do. I would love to be that kind of person. I think I am in love with that image. That I have the qualifications to launch me into such a lifestyle makes things more difficult…. because one compares with ones peers and batchmates and one realises that one’s pace at reaching somewhere in one’s career… is just too slow.

One = SS 🙂

But then I also marvel women who just chuck the career… and decide to stay at home.  From my perspective, it takes an extremely secure or an extremely naive woman to do that. And I realise that I am neither.

I derive my sense of self from my work away from home. My individuality comes from my interactions with people outside of home, who give me a new perspective to things. If I ever had to sit at home… am sure I’d turn into a TV watching zombie with no self respect. So to me… leaving the career aside exudes power… it sends out the message that “hey.. I know what I want … I have nothing to prove”. 

Whereas I at some level, feel that I have to something to prove.. .that just my existing isn’t enough. I try and remember that there is more to me than my job… that I am a friendly, charming (cough.. cough), individual, a good friend, a great wife ( triple cough) and an awesom daughter / DIL.

Maybe its the societal pressure on woman… its weird… there is a pressure to conform… and there is a pressure to break the norm too! So poor people like me.. who like the best of both worlds… find themselves in justification mode at all times! Or in introspective mode!

I also marvel the women who are comfortable in their husbands’ success. I still need my own limelight for the reasons stated above.

I’ve been going on and on about this because of all the Worthless people, worthless work nonsense. I am trying to look out, but  somewhere deep inside … I’m so in my comfort zone with the company I work for. I don’t know what type of job to look for… the stretch job.. with the limelight… or the cool job.. with the work life balance?

Also… the “happening” job that would leave my colleagues in awe… or predictable… “gets me my daily bread, butter AND jam” types.

I sometimes wonder whether this job related introspection will ever get somewhere… or am I destined to feel dissatisfied with my career options for life! 😀

Now… my mom… an intensely spiritual and philosophical person that she is… believes that I should just go with the flow…. but I have realised… that I am a planning freak… and that I have to HAVE To have all things ironed out before I embark on any new process.

… which is a dilemma…. 😦

Its a long post… and if you guys are still with me…. what do you think?? 🙂

There is something about lady bosses….. something really sad and pathetic…. and I’m sure I have the crummiest one yet

This is a lady who is so insecure about her position… that she has become an insufferable control freak. She wants to be looped in to everything…. keeps asking for updates by the minute… gets upset if you haven’t had a conversation with her for a day…

We guys have a history… the history being my miscarriage. I don’t think I can ever forget how insensitively she behaved. She kept guilt tripping me about all the assignments that the team was losing out on, because  I was unavailable.. about how I wasn’t someone she could count upon because I not be able to finish things… I was fickle and lazy.

I remember requesting her to allow me to work from home when things weren’t going well and she made me go on leave… to the point that I don’t have leaves for Diwali…

And that she had a “1 on 1” with me when I was still nursing my heart.. and body… and drove me to tears telling me that I had not taken tast A to its completion… (and this was while I was still miscarrying!)

…and the bl**dy insensitive b***ch that she is … today she brings up ‘Quarter 2’ in my performance appraisal discussion and tells me how I have not performed at all on X, Y, Z counts and asks me to prepare a list of things I did… to prove her otherwise…

…I’m so angry…. I wish that she gets to pay for this…. that God steps in and teaches her a lesson.

She needs some lessons in humanity and empathy and consideration. Hell… she needs to learn management!! I don’t know why they bring in underqualified people to wreck havoc on the rest.

… I’m going to stop ranting.. and do something… and I will keep you guys posted…