You know…. am not the type of person who really makes friends virtually… but I am really feeling the love! πŸ™‚

Thanks you guys! It feels amazing when you rant away and get hugged and be told that things will be okay… ofcourse they will be! And while they are still not so good… I know I have you guys to count on… for bringing sunshine

<< Hugs back>>Β  ( from a soooooper emo SS)

I sometimes exasperate myself with my own reactions to things…. I have these moments of glory.. where I introspect… and I realise that I really am not so sure on my own motivations for doing/not doing things.

Like for example… I marvel the people who are able to give their all to their careers. I’m jealous of their high profile lives, of their Blackberry phones and the extent of their responsibilities and the importance of the work they do. I would love to be that kind of person. I think I am in love with that image. That I have the qualifications to launch me into such a lifestyle makes things more difficult…. because one compares with ones peers and batchmates and one realises that one’s pace at reaching somewhere in one’s career… is just too slow.

One = SS πŸ™‚

But then I also marvel women who just chuck the career… and decide to stay at home.Β  From my perspective, it takes an extremely secure orΒ an extremely naive woman to do that. And I realise that I am neither.

I derive my sense of self from my work away from home. My individuality comes from my interactions with people outside of home, who give me a new perspective to things. If I ever had to sit at home… am sure I’d turn into a TV watching zombie with no self respect. So to me… leaving the career aside exudes power… it sends out the message that “hey.. I know what I want … I have nothing to prove”.Β 

Whereas I at some level, feel that I have to something to prove.. .that just my existing isn’t enough. I try and remember that there is more to me than my job… that I am a friendly, charming (cough.. cough), individual, a good friend, a great wife ( triple cough) and an awesom daughter / DIL.

Maybe its the societal pressure on woman… its weird… there is a pressure to conform… and there is a pressure to break the norm too! So poor people like me.. who like the best of both worlds… find themselves in justification mode at all times! Or in introspective mode!

I also marvel the women who are comfortable in their husbands’ success. I still need my own limelight for the reasons stated above.

I’ve been going on and on about this because of all the Worthless people, worthless work nonsense. I am trying to look out, butΒ  somewhere deep inside … I’m so in my comfort zone with the company I work for. I don’t know what type of job to look for… the stretch job.. with the limelight… or the cool job.. with the work life balance?

Also… the “happening” job that would leave my colleagues in awe… or predictable… “gets me my daily bread, butter AND jam” types.

I sometimes wonder whether this job related introspection will ever get somewhere… or am I destined to feel dissatisfied with my career options for life! πŸ˜€

Now… my mom… an intensely spiritual and philosophical person that she is… believes that I should just go with the flow…. but I have realised… that I am a planning freak… and that I have to HAVE To have all things ironed out before I embark on any new process.

… which is a dilemma…. 😦

Its a long post… and if you guys are still with me…. what do you think?? πŸ™‚

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