Things that bother me


There is something about lady bosses….. something really sad and pathetic…. and I’m sure I have the crummiest one yet

This is a lady who is so insecure about her position… that she has become an insufferable control freak. She wants to be looped in to everything…. keeps asking for updates by the minute… gets upset if you haven’t had a conversation with her for a day…

We guys have a history… the history being my miscarriage. I don’t think I can ever forget how insensitively she behaved. She kept guilt tripping me about all the assignments that the team was losing out on, because  I was unavailable.. about how I wasn’t someone she could count upon because I not be able to finish things… I was fickle and lazy.

I remember requesting her to allow me to work from home when things weren’t going well and she made me go on leave… to the point that I don’t have leaves for Diwali…

And that she had a “1 on 1” with me when I was still nursing my heart.. and body… and drove me to tears telling me that I had not taken tast A to its completion… (and this was while I was still miscarrying!)

…and the bl**dy insensitive b***ch that she is … today she brings up ‘Quarter 2’ in my performance appraisal discussion and tells me how I have not performed at all on X, Y, Z counts and asks me to prepare a list of things I did… to prove her otherwise…

…I’m so angry…. I wish that she gets to pay for this…. that God steps in and teaches her a lesson.

She needs some lessons in humanity and empathy and consideration. Hell… she needs to learn management!! I don’t know why they bring in underqualified people to wreck havoc on the rest.

… I’m going to stop ranting.. and do something… and I will keep you guys posted…

Sorry guys… took sometime before this post…I’ve been having thoughts and thoughts about “somethings” and though I really wanted to keep this off my blog, I am finally left with no option but to thrash it out.  I am hoping that with writing them down, I will be able to think clearly… coz right now I feel totally muddled!

Ok… so the deal is, that H and me have been discussing starting a family now. We figured that it was the right time…. after a long while H wasn’t stressed about work. After a long while I have settled down in a place 😀 and the home is more or less settled.  H wanted us to start planning 6 months into the marriage (the guy knows nothing about romance I’m telling you!), but then I wasn’t ready and there was so much happening around me already that we decided to wait. And now, when we are both in agreement, H wants us to really take this really seriously…. And on the other hand, I am mentally prepared that it might take a while.  And I just want to … let’s say… take things as they come, without too much planning or without unduely stressing on this particular aspect. Light and easy!

What has happened in the past few days is that I have got some great offers of assignments! Lovely onsite assignments…. New Zealand… Germany… the US…  and I honestly am keen on going. But now with the baby planning thing in my mind… I really don’t know whether I should take these up or no.  I never expected stop doing things that are a part of my job just because we were to start thinking of a family… I meant it to happen… not with a deadline in mind. H on the other hand, differs.  He is fine with short term assignments, but anything over a month and we have different opinions.

To add to that I have to deal with another set of thoughts which are as follows

1. H’s folks are keen on a grandchild, it would make them all really happy… that expectation stresses me out.

2. I don’t want to lose focus of my career. I don’t want to ‘set a tone’ where I am compromising. Would H stop going on client assignments coz we are planning?? Dunno… I have serious doubts.  I don’t want him behaving like an MCP, making a fuss about a couple of months of work.

3. If I don’t travel now… will I get a chance to… with a baby in the picture?

4. My ticking biological clock ( Trust me, I have tried and tried to convince myself that 1 year here or there doesn’t matter…I refuse to get convinced 😦 )

5. There is no surety of how much time it takes to concieve.

6. Uncertainty… what if I say yes to an assignment… that is to start in 20 days… then come to know that I am to have a baby… how will I handle that situation…..?

I would be lying if I didn’t admit that some of this is Gender Equality related. I call it my, “Career woman: I have equal rights” perception. I don’t want to be the girl who is seen as someone who ‘sacrificed’ her career for her family. I’ve worked hard to get to the place I am. I want to continue doing well. I am not able to stomach the fact that being a woman, my career has to take a back seat, or that I have to curb my aspirations to balance other aspects of my life, when the guy just goes about his normal routine and behaves like his work is “really important”… he just “has to” travel to places… just ‘has to’ stay back late and is just ‘too tired’ or ‘too stressed’ for career unrelated things, while I go about making teeny tiny adjustments each day that eat up more and more into my work time.

This loosely is the jumble of thoughts I’m entangled in, right now. Maybe this is the state of confusion life is going to be in for some time…. the typical working woman dilemma :-/

What do you guys say??

The source of this post is three “happenings” in my life this week.

Happening No. 1: We watched “Shallow Hal”

Happening No. 2: We watched our friend “Anonymous” jump around like a monkey on matrimonial sites

Happening No. 3: I read this article

Now as a result of these three happenings… I got thinking. Are men really that superficial about what they look for in the opposite sex? And two, are women seriously that dissatisfied with their bodies? The “Anonymous” monkey friend also fits into this scheme as you will know in just a minute.

Shallow Hal: Plot Spoiler Ahead

 This is a movie about a guy, who is only attracted to the superficial attributes of  women, their body,  hair color, skin color, smile…. physical attributes, that is. As much as he tries, he is not able to see their inner beauty… whether they are kind, compassionate, caring, sensitive.. the works. As a result, no woman wants to go out with him 😀 ( I say… serves him right!). And then one day he gets stuck in an elevator with a Life Guru.. who hypnotizes him to see the inner beauty.

Soon after Shallow Hal meets a pretty young girl ( Gweneth Paltrow) and starts going around with her. He is smitten and besotted and his friend cannot see why. Actually.. the girl is fat. But since SH has been hypnotized… he sees her as pretty… coz he is seeing who she is at heart.

After that it is the regular masala… hypnosis is snapped… guy realises that he loves fat girl… happy ending.

Anonymous Monkey Friend: 

This guy is seriously into getting married. He has registered on all matrimony sites and is found regularly “expressing his interest” on random profiles from the broadband in our home. His criteria for selection for his bride….

… is not that she be sensible and intelligent

…is not that she be respectful and sincere..

…or that she has a sweet, agreeable nature..

..but..

… that she be slim…

…and pretty

…and fair…

It amuses me I tell you… when I hear him discuss all this with H. Because H fell in love with a “pleasantly plump” SS! 😀 He is the last person who would have anything to do with how a person looks! It also irks me… because… if I were to rate Anonymous Monkey Friend on looks… I would give him a 3 on 10. And so I mutter about it.. under my breath… about how some people should get real in life!

But the sad thing is.. and that brings me to Happening No. 3…. that some poor sweet creature would still marry this guy…. and think the world of him… and realise that despite his shallow preferences in the opposite sex… he still is one of the more genuine guys she has met. She will learn to brush aside his quirks… and magnify his small victories and make a hero out of him.

…and then she might get pregnant.. and lose her fab body… this sucker might start to eye other eye candy (even if it is only for the sake of eyeing!)…. while she waddles her way through life.. and labor… and kids. And then by the time he sees her for who she is… he would have made a cynic out of her… who wouldn’t care about how he feels… or maybe… he would have turned her into an insecure, nervous, gas bag… who will have learnt to see herself through her husband’s eyes.. as a non attention worthy creature.

I say to all the guys…you say women have body image issues. Why will they not have body image issues? I know beauty is what brings about the initial attraction… but is it enough to sustain it? You as a guy make it amply clear that you are into superficial physical attributes… why won’t the woman get worried and try and look good for you? Why won’t she buy more cosmetics than books?

And you know what is sad… despite all then she will probably still love you the same…….even when YOU go bald and potbellied.

What do you think? Would you agree with me?

What do you do when your best friend of 11 years pings you and tells you that she is moving out of the country for the next 1 – 2 years…

Are you happy? For the exciting new world she is stepping into?.. for the experiences she will have, the people she will meet, the places she will see…

…or… are you sad? Because you will probably never ever be in the same boat together again. She will not be online for you to share your silly thoughts… she will never be close enough to visit on a long weekend, and going forward, both of your lives will change, and go along divergent paths?

Actually.. you will be both… and both unsuccessfully… 😦

N and I. Best friends. Sisters.. more like it. Connected at the heart. Always together.

N and I go back a long way… 11 years! We met for the first time on the 3rd or 4th day of college and from then, there was no stopping us.  We had so much in common… the things we laughed about, the things that bothered us, our dreams about life, our friends, our teachers, our subjects…from what we did in class, to what we did out of it.

Most of all… our conversations… yes.. 🙂  those lovely conversations… starting from the days when we were standing on the bus stop waiting for the DTC buses… in scorching Delhi heat. We’d get so engrossed in our talks, that we were ready to brave more heat and give buses a miss, one after the other, so that we could just talk… to now.. when we ping each other almost each day… sharing mundanities of our world.  We always had access to each other, in person… over phone, over smses… over Gtalk. No matter what was going on in our lives…  We never let go…We went from being on the same path to being on parallel paths…but there was always a link… we were always in our “phases” together. 

We went through further studies, through our love lives, through marriage almost in sync.. with similar hopes and fears and dreams… showing each other the sunshiny side of things when the other was in the pits.. I had always felt that we would be “growing old together’… with me a wild and whacky mausi to her sensible kids and she a sensible mausi to my wild set.

Somehow… after a long time, I feel like we are not in sync… not on parallel paths… but on diverging ones. I have a feeling that the coming 1-2 years will change us an awful lot. She is still a new bride…with a life full of possibilities, and excitement… and I have a headstart on her with marriage.. and will be on the threshold of starting a family. We will have different priorities…. will be feeling different things… and both of us will be taking such huge steps… that we will change as people.

I hate how we just cannot take certain things for granted anymore… Like life long friendship…like being in each others thoughts… like being able to reach people…. like knowing that I will not have to pack my bags and leave for a new country tommorrow, like a regular job… where I go, do my work, without a thought of yesterday or tomorrow.

Today..I see no sense in planning because we are living in a world which is ever changing.

I see no meaning of “forever” 😦

PS: N, I wish you all the very very best on this new and exciting journey that you are embarking on. You are a lovely person and you truly truly deserve the best 🙂  Don’t think about this post much.. its most probably the hormones!  I know that we will try our best to always be in sync. Please start a blog! Please!  ( ya, I know that you know that I was going to say this 😀 )

Lots of Hugs and lots of more hugs

…and bear hugs

…and crazy.. “let’s rock it till we are 80′ dancing hugs

I love you!

Have you ever been in a situation where you felt  that if only you had acted, sooner, or faster, or with more passion… a wrong could have been averted?? Have you fretted, and worried about it later, vowed to do something the next time…

The Tiger, our national animal, the most beautiful, regal and spirited cat in the whole wide world…. is moving towards extinction…

..there are just 1411 of these grand creatures left…

…it is a VERY small number… and it is growing smaller by the day…

From around 40,000 at the turn of the last century, there are just 1411 tigers left in India… and if we don’t act now, we could lose this splendid animal forever.

You can read more about this  here, here and here

I came upoon this link while surfing today…Aircel has partnered wiht WWF -Fund to help save the tiger. So I joined the roar.  Maybe you should too.

There are so many times that we want to do things for the world, our country, the future generation but find our hands tied.

There are so many times we read / hear moving stories about people and come back feeling unsettled, and guilty. We all want to make a difference, and after reading about this on IHM’s blog,  I felt that this was something we could do.

One of India’s most trusted and credible NGOs, GiveIndia is taking part in a competition on Facebook to win a US$1 million grant. The winner will be the NGO that gets the highest number of votes from Facebook users. The prize of $1 million will help put or keep 40,000 children across India in school for one year!

Imagine the IndiBlogger community coming together to spread the word and help the underprivileged children of India. The impact would be tremendous and together, IndiBloggers and GiveIndia would be able to gather the votes we need to win.

Voting in the competition is for one week only, from Friday, January 15 – Friday, January 22, 2010. Can we make a difference in the next 3 days?

The link for voting, where you can also see more details of the competition is

http://apps.facebook.com/chasecommunitygiving/charities/338730

There’s been lots of talk about how social media can bring change and make an impact on the world we live in. Well, here is one tangible way for us to take a small action that could have a HUGE outcome.

In case you have more questions about this, please write to giveindiachase@gmail.com and a GiveIndia team member would be happy to reply.

 I have voted. Its a small step… maybe armchair activism..Maybe nothing will come out of it… but in the smallest probability that something good might… I would know that I made a tiny difference…I know that this is the least that I could have done.

The voting closes on the 23rd of Jan… Give India a chance, peepal…!