This thing called 'Marriage'


Picture this…

SS (A long way off from home… in a remote corner of the world)

SS: I must call H… dunno how he is managing… poor guy… no proper food
(Calls H feeling extremely guilty and mushy)

H: Ithu Chennai Chennai superkings

SS: Hello… what happened…

H: Watching the match… talk to you later!

SS: (Change of tactics)

SS: Okay… Anyways I have to be going to… I have to meet Rajshekharan

H: Who is Rajshekharan??

SS: Nice guy… he’s coming over to the hotel room…we’ve got to discuss some things

H: He’s coming to the room??

SS: Yup

H:… Okkkaaaay…. (pause)

SS: Chalo then… cya…

H: No … no… talk to me….you didn’t even ask about my dinner…

SS: What happened to the match? You watch the match.. I’ll call up later…
( See the length of this conversation …. now! And this is after the “talk to you later”

SS: Rajshekharan and I will meet in the lobby… okay you idiot?

H: Uh… okay.. but why so late in the night?

SS: Urgent work.. he’s a funny guy (rubs it in)

H: Okkkkaaaaaay…. (longer pause). You still haven’t asked me about dinner

SS: What did you have for dinner?

H: I had Xyz… I love you

SS: Ya.. okay… ( dismissively yours… SS)

H: Okay???

SS: Sweetie.. did I tell you that there is no Rajshekharan! Go to sleep now! 😀

Men… men … men!

😀 😀 😀

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The great thing about being married is that there are someone to push you into doing things, that you would otherwise not considered as options…

… like driving crazy distances over a short weekend, when you could be sitting at home, resting your bum on a bean bag,  twiddling your thumbs and wondering about vague things, that one can’t even recall later… like world problems, like what finally happened in Inception, like when was the last time you cleaned the fridge… you get the drift…. the important stuff… (That was a pretttty long sentence!)

So all thanks to ever enthusiastic H, I was armwrestled, guilt tripped, and packed into the car by force of huge tantrums… and taken away to Wayanad… ( obviously I’m at my literary best today…. and obviously no one can pack 68 kgs of me into any kind of car using any kind of force… not even Superman… not even H :D)

We were supposed to start of bright and early at 4:30 – 5:00 am in the morning on Saturday and as H says it… its all thanks or no thanks to me that we finally left at 6:00 with H in a surly mood, about how I always get him late and all that. Having fought for the first 1/2 hr in the car, we kinda realised that it wasn’t worth the effort ( yup.. that happens to you when you’ve known each other as long as we have!) and chucked the fighting and concentrated on the view instead.

Did  I mention that I love long drives? I luuurvve them. I the sort of person who derives more fun from the process of reaching some place, rather than reaching it and  then focussing on the “views”. I like to drift off, and sing songs, and crack jokes, and abruptly come up with extremely philosophical and pertinent questions… sample this….

SS to H: Sweety, have you ever thought of way it is that dogs always do it doggie style? I’m sure they could try the other styles too… don’t you think??

H: You are crazy…

SS: No seriously… think about it..

(Yes, sometimes I’m weird like that)

……………………………………………..

H  to SS : Accha tum hindi songs gao… main usey English mein translate karoonga

SS: Daddy cool cool cool… mera beta fool fool fool

H : Ismey hindi kahaan hai?

……………………………………………………..

H to SS : Yeh Kamal Hasan bollywood mein kyun nahi chal saka…

SS: Nahin… movies toh hit thin… Ek dooje ke liye…. Saagar….

H: Haan, har movie mein mar jaata tha… shayad isliye

………………………………………………………

SS: I think Mohan Lal is cute

H : SS, he is fat, and hairy and old..

SS: No seriously, he looks masculine… “take care” sorts

H: You have completely lost it!

…………………………………………………………….

It was nice and rainy on a large part of our journey, especially the stretch around Bandipur National Park. And on the way, we saw sunflowers and fields of marigold… set against the back drop of misty hills, lush green meadows, and stark grey, rainwashed roads… it was Divine!

We stayed overnite at Kalpetta, and more than the stay, we were really on the road, visiting Pookote Lake, and Karapuzha dam, and Meenmutti Falls. But more than these places themselves…  I think we enjoyed our drive down winding roads, tea gardens on each side, we enjoyed each other’s company and our silence (it is so nice when you fall in love with your best friend 🙂 )

It was a hectic weekend, but really refreshing and totally memorable.

Will add pictures to this post tonight.  But the pictures are never half as pretty as the real thing!

Edited to Add : Pictures!

Enroute to Wayanad

Tea Gardens

Pookote Lake

View from our balcony

Remember I told you guys that my best friend N is going away from India for like a 1.5 – 2 years?

Am sooooooper excited because I am using up the April 2- Good Friday long weekend and going to meet her! And I know it will be fun!

You know, as much as one feels happy about being married and living the good life with H, I still have these “longings” for things as they were pre-marriage ( Don’t ask me why… I’m crazy!) And as I have observed, these revolve around two things…..

1. Lack of male attention ( SS looks left – right furtively, to make sure no one looking at her sheepish expression waala face)

2. “Being my own person” – another theme I totally dig!

Ok, by my own submission, I have been the grateful (and haughty on most days!) receiver of a lot of attention of the male kind. I know am not being humble… trust me, am trying to!! Obviously post marriage, that “attention” has diminished. I really don’t know how guys make these things out? Its a part of their highly sophisticated female tracking system, methinks…. Face scan… retina scan… clothes scan… and kaboom!!!….Branded “Married”.

 How???

Obviously I am feeling pretty “ghar ka murgi” types right now.. or maybe I would’nt have written this post ..or if nothing else works we can always blame in on the hormones…I could really use an ego boost about my desirability! So any attention coming, from some intense sounding, filmy, Dark Handsome guy…. totally welcome! 😀

Ofcourse … I might add… all of the attentions will be ignored… me being happily married to H and all that. So ofcourse there is no incentive for any one who wishes to bestow their attentive gaze.. except for the nirmal aanand of the act of bestowing that gaze….”The journey is the reward”

Sigh!

But I digress….

Now to the main topic…..

The next lovely pleasant little thought that plays hide and seek with my mind is … “Being my own person”

You know… when one starts out in relationship, one is dying to be owned 🙂 Girl Friends go gaga over “possessive” boyfriends. Ofcourse.. that  passes… and suddenly you are back to craving your independance. Now the people who read my blog .. know that I happen to be a pretty sincere wife.  No seriously… I am! (ok… go ask H! :-/ )

In fact, I really wish at times that I was more selfish…. am not.  I get hassled with us having a lovely place to stay… about being relatively sociable.. about what we eat and our plans… and crazy as it sounds… sometimes I remember those times when I just thought of me myself alone.  There are soooo many things to balance now! The family, with festivals.. with relatives and friends and us.   Those were hassle free days… coz obviously I was caring for one person only…

…”Me”

😀

And so… I am going on a Girl’s Only holiday.  I am really really looking forward to it. I love Pune! loooooovvvee it! Ohhh the vada pavs, the misal pavs, the dabeli…. Marzorin….MG Road, JM Road, FC road.  The plan comprises “Eating” and “Shopping”  and random walks down memory lane 🙂

It will be back to “Being my own person” atleast for weekend!  Sometimes you can have the best of both worlds

..that being married to H…

..and being in Pune…. and rocking it.. with my best friend!

((happy smiles.. and Ms India type hand waving to the general audience)

😀 😀 😀

… and Ishiqiya wins! 🙂

We did back to back movies this weekend…10 am Ishiqiya and 3 pm MNIK, with a leisurely lunch and a leisurely walk down MG road thrown in between (Oh btw.. B’lore does have a summer season!, and yessir, it is QUITE hot)

But before the reviews, rants and raves… just a quick ‘aside’ to mention H’s idiosyn’crazies’.  One more topics of our weekly weekly fights 😀

H has a tendency to take his time with all the things that he can take his time with…. so much.. that he sometimes behaves like the Ishaan Awasthi ( fro Taare Zaameen Pe.. remember?).   He has the capability of slipping into his “drift mode” without notice. We will be completely rushed while going someplace… and I will be frantically locking doors and checking lights and fans… and what does the dear ‘ol guy do…. he takes that five minute to check Facebook… and if I get irritated or we get late… ofcourse it was all my fault… cause he was all dressed and ready to go… and “I” got everyone late… which is irksome… coz its always “I” who is locking/checking/switching off/closing/searching for things..! OBVIOUSLY 😀

And then… if I ever… ever tell him to take care of things, while I take my time getting dressed up….and if we get late… then obviously again… I am at fault. The man drifts around, and refuses to multitask… or to pace up or pace down depending on the situation…. and I get the blame. Ishaan Avasthi… not a doubt… and to add to that the guy has mastered the art of guilt tripping me! ( Help! peepal…!) And so as the story goes.. I lose my temper… we fight…. we make up… and the cycle repeats each time we go out anywhere.

And then… to add to my misery… H also expects me to ‘dress up’… Now I’m a regular jeans -Tshirt -sneakers sorts. No matching the earrings to the fancy girlie tops types. I would like to dress up in my own time… but who does it with all so much responsiblities of the locks and the switches hanging on their heads… And I think it is time to get H to understand.

….so sneaky me has thought of a plan. I am hencforth going to start getting dressed before he does, comment on how he dresses after we leave the house and he can do nothing about it, get him to take responsibility of the locks and the like… and just behave like a pretty “I’m so confused and helpless” bimbo for some days.. and watch the fun…

Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned… I say!

…and that incidently is also ze topic of the movie Ishiqiya…. and which incidently.. is why… I ze loves it!

Ishiqiya is a fresh movie,  its stylized, and raunchy, and yet honest. The best thing about it is that it is not over the top, in how it portrays emotions, it is not cliched  and has enough interesting episodes to keep you glued.  And though I’ve heard lots about how it ends… I actually liked that it ended the way it did (No plot spoiler here!) I recommend!

As for MNIK. Its typical KJo fare. The things that make you laugh.. the things that make you cry…. infact… I have a sneaky suspicions that this is a formula that he has evolved… If you make the audience laugh and cry enough times… they love you. (Sadism!). The plot was not great shakes…. but do watch it for SRK. This is one of the few movies where the man has actually acted.  Kajol looks like a million bucks! What is it about married women who have kids… they just get prettier and prettier!

Now… both are watchable, though maybe not twice! But if I had to choose between the two… I would definitely recommend Ishiqiya.

Its a pity that its being taken off most of the theatres here in Bangalore, Do watch it while you can!

…. with a guy….

Who wakes up bright and early on a Sunday morning and fixes you breakfast.. dil se …

Who takes pictures of the moon… because you love looking at the moon, and when confronted… scoffs… “I was just experimenting with the camera”

Who wakes you up… and wakes you up… with a vengeance.. so that you can both go and catch sunrises… and sundry birds

Who covers up the boarded A/C duct, with a “painting” bought off the streets of CP, to make it aesthetically pleasing for you, on your first visit to his room

Who goes along with your brilliant sense of photography.. as you insist on taking pics of random cows

….and fish…

… and monkeys! Of the human type

and finally, who encourages you to sail into the horizon… but of course.. come back to him…. 🙂

You go and give the poor unsuspecting guy a BIG Hug to squeeze the air out of his lungs! And some more affectionate actions… not to be mentioned here 😉 And you leave him confused at this unexpected display of love from his always poised, sometimes  irritable wife 😀

… gives you sleepless nights!

Hindi films have set a context for us in the established behaviors one is supposed to exhibit when cupid strikes. Reams and reams have been written about “Raaton ki neend… dil ka chain… bekaraar dil” and all that. And as is the expectation from any avid Hindi movie viewer… such exclamations are to be taken with a pinch of salt…. Or so I thought…

Lately…in true film style, my raaton ki neend.. and man ka chain… and dil ka karaar have gone.  I wake up in the middle of the nights.. and frantically check my phone… I pace about our home in a manner that could put a seasoned actor to shame… and it is all got to do with love ofcourse BUT… more importantly… it has to to do with H working late in office.

Initially the prospect of  so much “me” time was was very welcome.  I secretly imagined all the wonderful things I would be able to do with the extra time on my hands….watch favorite serials without a potential threat of the remote being snatched every time… chat with friends, without him interrupting with his wisecracks,  sit on both the bean bags all at once… head on one and feet propped up on the other…. re watch and rewatch DDLJ or Lamhe without him circling the periphery of the room in exasperation and admiration at my diligence! ( 😛 )

After a few days.. I got suspicious… was it really work??? or was he out with his friends??? Hmmm… Such is human nature… it is perfectly fine if you are the one having fun while he works…. but no.. he cannot be doing tht… C’mon isn’t a man supposed to stand by his woman while she “battles” the world… sigh… but then.. they don’t make men like that anymore 😀 😀 😛 But  it turned out that it was Work. How I found out ?? He he he.. not telling… 😛 

…anyways.. the bottom line was.. .that he did have work.. and the poor dear was working for us.. so that we can have all the things we want.. ( sure I have my own income.. but come on.. I want to show off my hard working guy! Can’t a girl even do that on her own blog! 🙂 )

And so.. this is the scene at home nowadays…

9 pm:
SS – “When’s you getting home”
H – “Looks like 11”
SS – “Ok, waiting for you..”
SS… bides time watching TV till 11.

11 pm
SS – “Where are you?”
He – “Still in office.. might take till 12”
SS… “ok” , paces about…which the clock strikes 11:15, 11:30, 12:00…. (camera focuses on the wall clock like in the old black and white Hindi movies).. Falls asleep

2:15 am
SS – Wakes up suddenly and frantically searchs for her phone… “What happened, why aren’t you home yet??”
H – “Hey… sorry, the work’s got extended, will be in only by 4- ish”
SS – “4?!!”  F-O-U-R!!??!?! 

So as u can see… the films have been right after all!

This was a random conversation with a friend today.

Sunshinesafari:  have u ever thot, of why u had to go and get married

Friend1: all the time

what abt u?

Sunshinesafari: ya..

Sunshinesafari: I was happier

was being pampered

was the kid

was independant

was the woman

Sunshinesafari : 🙂

Friend1: and?

Sunshinesafari: and then I got married

:-p

Sunshinesafari : am still all of the things..

+ a tad more responsible

+ fast turning into a nagging wife

+ more concerned abt my biological clock

+ more careful about meeting any guy friends on my own

+ less likely to be seen in a disc… dancing away into the night

+ more likely to be seen “maintaining relations” with random relatives from both sides

… in short…

….life was uncomplicated… and me centric

and I miss that

Sunshinesafari: what abt u

Friend1: ha ha ha

Friend1: thats a nice analysis

Sunshinesafari:  I think… post marriage..

life gets more and more complicated with every step you take

… marriage — in laws, striking a balance with all the relatives, parents, behaving “married”, dressing up, “Adjusting”

then the biological clock problem

then the 9 month situation… maybe twice over, losing ur figure, gaining it back

then the bringing up baby, terrible twos to terrifying teens, school, homework, guilt about work, guilt about kids

then the getting attached

and then the letting them go

then the lonliness of a time that has gone forever

Friend1:  wow, u seem to have thot out so much

Sunshinefari: then old age… sickness… and then that’s it!